Jul 29, 2013

Posted by in Doctor Who, Lucky 13 Lacquer, NOTD, Swatches | 66 Comments

Lucky 13 Lacquer – Softening the Bad Things

Oh, feels, they are about to happen. It might do well to brace yourself.

I have been trying to write on this post for over three weeks. Every time I think I have something good I reread it and realize that it is either too wordy, too simple, or just plain wrong. How does one go about stripping bare (emotionally) on the internet? Though, with my inability to ever remain calm with my emotions, you would think this would be an easy hurdle for me to jump. Alas, the backspace key has been my best friend throughout this entire process.

I know I mentioned it before, but mental illness is something that touches every last one of us. Even if you do not battle with it personally, someone you know does…even if you yourself are not aware of it. For me personally, it is severe clinical depression and extreme social anxiety that causes panic attacks. Basically, I’m a wreck. If anything good can be said of it, it’s that since I’ve been dealing with these issues since childhood, I have a great understanding of how I will react in certain situations, making myself able to prepare for things. But knowing how I’ll react to something, or feeling a bout of depression or a breakdown coming doesn’t always help. Like a person with epilepsy, they may feel a seizure a coming…but it doesn’t make the outcome any less awful. It just means you can ready yourself.

As a child, before understanding myself, I felt like an outcast (though I can’t say that adulthood took away this feeling entirely), never understanding why I felt the way I did. I didn’t want to play with the other children. I wanted to be alone – drawing or painting. I had a few close friends, but always got extremely uncomfortable and quiet around new faces (a feeling that has never left me). Art and books were my two greatest resources. Ask my mother to this day and she’ll tell you that I was reading books faster than she could buy them. And I was.

And drawing…oh the drawing. Art opened up this entirely new world to me. A way to make my emotions tangible, to take them out of my mind and put them onto paper. This is what started my childhood obsession with Vincent van Gogh. Here was a man who more than likely experienced some of the same emotions I did. Someone who channeled his anxiety and pain into beautiful works of art. He was, and is, an inspiration to me. I know I have shared this on the blog before, but if there’s ever a time to repost, this would be it. Here is a childhood drawing I did when I was 8. After learning about van Gogh, I made it my mission to doodle Starry Night as often as possible. [None of those weird S’s made of lines, and scribbled tornadoes for this girl.]

Accio Lacquer: Starry Night

With all of these things in mind, it should come as no surprise that Vincent and the Doctor is my absolute favorite episode of Doctor Who in existence. I am completely blown away with wave after wave of emotion every time I watch. I just can’t put it into words, frankly. It makes me sad…but in the happiest way imaginable. If that makes any sort of sense.

That’s why I immediately teared up when Kyoti came to me with the idea for Softening the Bad Things. I needed this polish. Not like I “need” every polish ever. I actually needed this one. I needed to have this for the days when I’m so downtrodden that I can’t imagine what “happy” feels like anymore. I likewise need it as a reminder for how shitty things really have been, so I can look back and see how far I’ve come. I mean, face it, without bad times in our lives we wouldn’t even know the good times if they were staring us in the face.

I’m currently going through one of those bad times. It sucks, plain and simple. I have no desire to do the basic things. Pants? Not a chance. Brush my hair? If you’re lucky. Want me to actually get out of bed? No. It’s really easy to quip about it, to put a spin of humor on it. Hell, depressed people do humor best – gotta hide those feels so people don’t think you’re crazy. But it really isn’t that funny when you think about it. Being so lethargic and oppressed that you can’t even bring yourself to perform normal daily functions.

But the one good thing to keep in mind, for me at least, is that there will always be more happy times. Sometimes you won’t believe it, but that doesn’t make it any less true. It took me 11 months to find happiness after my dad was diagnosed with, and passed away from cancer. It was this blog that gave it to me, the friends that I’ve made through it, and you, Reader. Even though I’m having a hard time currently, I know that eventually things will brighten back up. They always do. So with the good things (and bad) in mind, let’s check out this tear-inducer.

Accio Lacquer: Lucky 13 Lacquer: Softening the Bad Things

Accio Lacquer: Lucky 13 Lacquer: Softening the Bad Things

Accio Lacquer: Lucky 13 Lacquer: Softening the Bad Things

Accio Lacquer: Lucky 13 Lacquer: Softening the Bad Things

Accio Lacquer: Lucky 13 Lacquer: Softening the Bad Things

Softening the Bad Things has an airy blue base with gold hexagons and bronze micro glitters. The formula gave me no issues whatsoever, applying pretty much like a dream, and needing only 2 coats to reach the opacity shown in the photos. Kyoti pulled her inspiration for this lacquer from the altered sunflower painting shown at the very end of the episode. As you can see, she did an amazing job.

This lacquer is also the first ever LE numbered shade that Kyoti has made. Making it even more special is the fact that the font used on the numbered label is one that was created to replicate van Gogh’s own handwriting. In total, there are 26 bottles – 16 full size and 10 shortie size. I am completely honored and teary-eyed about the fact that I have bottle number one. Thank you, Kyoti! <3

Accio Lacquer: Lucky 13 Lacquer: Softening the Bad Things

To add to this pile of good things, one dollar from each bottle sold will be donated to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). That would be a total of $25 dollars (since 1 of those 26 bottles is Kyoti’s personal bottle). But you can do something more to help. Kyoti will be matching the $25 made in bottle sales, and she is looking for other folks to match her donation. So far, myself included, the donation is up to $250!!! On top of giving you good feelers about helping people, your name will be added to a list of donors on the product’s sale page. You can click here to read all about this wonderful project from Kyoti herself.

One more thing that deems mentioning. Back when this idea first came about, knowing my extreme love of fonts, Kyoti approached me about making a graphic of the quote that inspired this polish. Considering that it’s a quote that has pulled me through some dark times indeed, I jumped at the chance. She and I both have copies of this printed out, ready to be gazed upon when life gets to be a bit too much. I’d like to offer this up for anyone else who might like to do the same. There are two different copies of this photo, since my personal taste varies slightly. Below is my favorite design, featuring arrow embellishments. But if you want a softer look, there’s a copy of the other variation (featuring flourishes) in Kyoti’s post, which was linked above. Oh, and click the image for “holy crap, that’s big” size.

Accio Lacquer: Softening the Bad Things Quote


I guess I should go ahead and start wrapping this up. Glob knows I’ve been on the wordy side of emotional for this post. Softening the Bad Things will be released sometime around 2:30 pm (PST) today, and will be available here upon its launch. Definitely check out Lucky 13’s Facebook page so that you can stay totally current on the release time. Considering how few bottles are available, and the interest shown, I can’t imagine these sticking around  for long. BUT! If you do miss out, Kyoti is planning a second run sometime in the future.

I really hope this post has helped at least one person. Whether it showed you that you aren’t alone, or that things get better, or that we all have our issues, sadness, and downfalls. Please know that you aren’t going through this by yourself. And if you ever want to talk about things, need advice, or a shoulder to cry on, I’m only an email or facebook message away.

Geek & Love,



This has all been quite feel-y for me. Let’s cheer up with some hugs, Reader.









Source: Not even sorry for all of THESE GIFS

  1. Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing part of your journey with us. <3

  2. Geeks and the nail polish community have been a great source of good things in my life. I have clinical depression and anxiety, but with therapy and meds I have finally got mostly under control (not “cured,” but much better). Thanks so much for this blog post and fabulous idea from Lucky 13. The more people know about mental illness, the less stigmatized it will be. All the feels. 🙂

    • I couldn’t agree more. It needs to be talked about to be more widely accepted, but it’s a very hard thing to open up about. <3

  3. Thank you for this – I absolutely have been where you’ve been and know how hard it is. This polish is such a beautiful tribute (both the sentiment and the inspiration – Vincent and the Doctor is probably my favorite episode as well because of how closely it hit home) and I’m really hoping to be able to snag a bottle in the second run, at least.

  4. The feels are so strong it’s almost overwhelming <3

  5. Thanks for the cheer up gifs at the end, I really needed a few of them. I’m almost crying, but trying to hide it ’cause I’m at the office.
    I’m so touched by your post, I don’t feel so alone with my feelings now,, I know now that there are peolple like me out there.

    Thank you Mish. You’re not alone with your feelings either, you know?
    Here we are, the crazy weirdos hidding behind polishes and funny words in our blogs.

    I send you a really big hug! 🙂

    • *mega hug in return* Thank you so much. Having this blog and meeting other “weirdos” has helped me so much more than I could ever express. <3

  6. No one could have put it better. I don’t have depression, my mom does, and I sympathize greatly. This polish is gorgeous and I hope that I can get my hands on a bottle for my mom. Vincent and the Doctor is one of her favorite episodes.

    • It’s such a perfect ep as far as putting mental illness in perspective. I really hope you managed to get one for her, I know they sold out like mad.

  7. Great post. Vincent and The Doctor is also one of my fav DW episode!

  8. Gabrielle says:

    I don’t know if you’ve tried any anti-depression or anti-anxiety medication, and it’s none of my business if you have or haven’t, really. But I’ve been on a low dose of one for about a year now, and though it is expensive it is worth every penny.

    It didn’t turn me into a robot, which was what I was most afraid of. It also happens to help with chronic pain, if you have that; I did, horrible arthritis in my knee – which I just got replaced at the tender age of 27 – and now it’s helping with the recovery pain. All it does is take the edge off, make the panicked moments more calm, let me be more rational in difficult moments. It makes the difficult moments less difficult, but it doesn’t make them disappear. I still freak out a bit in crowds, finances make me hyperventilate, and occasionally have an unreasonable sobfest when I’m alone, but it’s less often. And it’s over, all of it, after I let it run its course and deep breathe for a few minutes.

    I do notice when I’m off them for a few days, like if I go away for a weekend and forget them at home, or I can’t afford a refill. I tend to get upset more quickly, and cry – hard. Being off for one day is fine. Two gets a mite itchy. Three to four is cry-land.

    Sometimes I let myself go to cry-land on purpose. Because only people who are depressed can know that sometimes it’s a dark and twisted sort of beautiful catharsis, even if it isn’t a healthy one. Even if you medicate to avoid it.

    I can say is that it’s changed my life. My outlook isn’t as down. I get upset when people call me negative or a debbie downer instead of feeling guilty, because I know I’m not being that anymore – I’m a stark realist, often, but I’m so not pulling people down anymore and I want people to know it. I wake up in the morning glad for the things I have, my boyfriend, dog, cat, family, my love for nails and nail blogs, my job that I love, my friends though my best are far away. People have started asking me for advice again, and I feel amazing that people trust me.

    Colors are brighter. The sun doesn’t even seem to hide as much. Falling asleep is easier, and the night is less dark.

    I fought taking medicine for my mind for a very, very long time. I’m proud I got through high school without it because I feel like I’m a more adjusted “adult” because of it, but I know now too that not everyone can make it without. And I can’t, anymore. And it freaks me out when I think I might be on this medicine for-the-rest-of-my-entire-nerdy-life but… when I think of how I feel?

    I’ll do it. Gladly.

    Hope you find a light in the midst of your dark place. <3

    • Gabrielle – I’m a nurse practitioner and work in a clinic for people with no insurance or inadequate coverage. I’m pretty sure I know which antidepressant you’re on (I’d say I know, but that sounds haughty, doesn’t it?). The maker of it offers a patient assistance program that lets you get your meds for a year at a time for free if you qualify (either no insurance or a ridiculous copay). Google the manufacturer and ‘patient assistance’ and you’ll find it. The form is easy and your care provider should be able to fill out their part easily.

      I know depression is hard, and meds are certainly a help. Hopefully you can get this going. It’s a great program.

      • Gabrielle says:

        This sounds WONDERFUL. And I certainly don’t think it sounds haughty at all – it proves that you know your practice! Thanks for such great information; I will definitely research it!

    • Thank you so much for sharing that. More people need to be open to the meds. They work, but they come with this stigma that needing/taking them really does mean you’re “crazy”. But does a diabetic feel bad about taking insulin? No, not likely. More people need to hear what you just said, so that it can be more understood that there’s nothing wrong with taking medicine when you have a need for it. <3

    • superjaxster says:

      I just wanted to also thank you so much for opening up about your experience with meds!

  9. Thank you for this post. I often feel like people shouldn’t be afraid to discuss mental illness but then I become the biggest hypocrite because I am rarely willing to share my personal story. It just seems so difficult and people rarely understand. I experienced bullying from my own friends the first time I shared my struggles and since then I can’t really bring myself to do it. Seven years ago I even offered my husband, then boyfriend, an “out” to break up with me when I told him because I was so afraid of his reaction (obviously he didn’t). Thanks for being braver than I can be!

    • Hitting “Publish” on this post was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. “Will people understand?” “Will I be ridiculed?” “Are people going to twist my words and make it look like I’m trying to gain pity?”

      I spent the previous hours before publishing gaining strength from my friends. It was a lot scarier than it should have been. Talking about mental illness and downfalls, and problems shouldn’t be so hard, but today’s world has an easy way of labeling anyone who doesn’t fit into the norm as “crazy”, making opening up a reason for stress, instead relief.

      Thankfully, after reading your amazing words, and the words of so many others, I know that I’m far from alone in my journey.

      I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that from your friends, but thankfully your husband stood by you. <3

      • I agree that it shouldn’t be so hard, but society has made it that way. It took me years to even tell my parents, and even then, I’ve never told me sister. I struggle with not wanting to be seen as being “crazy” or a “weirdo” but then I read your comment about a diabetic taking insulin and that is so true. People with mental illness do not choose this path and must deal with it while, for the most part, suffering in silence. I hope that changes in the future. So now, inspired by your bravery, I will tell you that I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder which now is controlled by medication. I self-diagnosed in high school and got help for myself in college. It’s been a long journey, with eight different medication changes over seven years, but its been getting better. Just know that for all the people that commented, there are so many more that did not comment but appreciate what you wrote. *Raises fist*….we stand behind you 🙂

        • Thank you so much for that bravery. After just doing it myself, I know how hard that was. <3 I know I don't "know you" (though I feel like I do through our random back and forth on here and fb) but I'm really proud of you for doing what you just did.

          *sends strength*

  10. I just recently found your blog and I am such a lurker, but this post… I had to comment. I am a nerd and a polish addict and have connected with your blog so much, and then this. I have suffered from major depression and severe anxiety for my entire life but was not diagnosed until I overdosed at 15. It’s such a struggle through every single downward spiral to remember that eventually, it will end.

    This polish is pretty and is for such a good cause. But I really just wanted to say, I know the feels. And I hope things get better for you soon, because it’s so much easier on the bright side. I’ll try to not lurk so much in the future.

    • <3 I'm so glad you found me! Dealing with depression as a teen is one of the hardest things a person can go through, in my opinion. Going through those years is hard enough without the added strain and doubting that depression causes. I'm so glad you were able to pull through, and are better now.

      Thank you <3

  11. Samantha Rigge says:


  12. Hang in there, lovely person! <3

  13. This is lovely, lovely, lovely. Sending you every single one of those Doctor hugs in your gifs! (And a Captain Jack hug, which is just like a Doctor hug but he cops a feel.)

  14. What a wonderful post, and an utterly perfect polish. I admire you so much for sharing your story, and even more because I can completely relate (I also suffer from depression – mostly mild, thankfully, and severe social anxiety – have since middle school). I think it was really brave of you to share this with us, and I have that much more respect for you now. I definitely will be attempting to get my hands on this polish! <3

  15. If you weren’t my favourite blogger already, this post just made you. I admire how brave you are about sharing this with us. Thank you. Vincent and the Doctor is one of my favourite episodes as well, the feels… *snifs*. It always makes me sad that someone so talented had to suffer that much. There are good times ahead, near or far. And of course *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
    That should last you for a few minutes, at least!

    • One million thank yous and 46 hugs in return to you! *hugs*

      It’s a hard thing, but I’m thankful to have people like you all around me, sending me happy thoughts <3

  16. Thank you for this beautiful post. It takes a lot of courage to share that – I wish it didn’t, I wish it weren’t so stigmatised.
    I suffer from depression (probably have all my life – you could be describing me as a kid, except that I preferred writing), anxiety and PTSD. Therapy and medication have helped me come a long way in the last three years but there are still very dark episodes. When the bad times come it helps to know there will be good times again, even though it doesn’t feel like the darkness will ever end. I need to keep reminding myself that it will get better. I was lucky enough to get a bottle of this polish and I think it can help me remember.
    Lots of hugs to you. I hope things get brighter for you soon.

    • I agree, the stigma attached to mental illness makes it so that no one seems to want to open up about it. Hopefully this is something that will begin to change as more and more people talk about it. Until then we can just keep searching for the good times.

      Thank you <3

      and I'm so happy you managed to get a bottle!

  17. I make it a point to talk about my anxiety and depression on my Facebook account similar to the way you speak about yours here. I think it is very important to start talking about these issues instead of stigmatizing them. I have gotten a lot of encouragement, but more importantly I see that some of my friends have opened up about their experiences with anxiety and depression. The more we talk and share, the more those without can understand and those with can feel understood. Thank you for sharing. I only wish I would have known earlier about the polish before it sold out.

    • Exactly! Times change, and the easiest, most helpful way to go about it is for others to open up and help others realize that they aren’t alone.

      Thank you for doing what you’re doing! <3
      And hopefully you'll manage a bottle during her second run. ^^

  18. Kristen says:

    Bit of a lurker here… thanks for this post. I love that particular DW episode (can’t make it through without tearing up) and can relate to oh so much of this. Plus, this is a great, thoughtful polish.

  19. you are amazing. The emotions that course through as are part of us, but not the whole of us, and you are amazing, up, down, flat, bleak, content and everything in between. You have something amazing in the way you write, in the way you reach out to people, you are talented in a very, very special way (and I’ve been reading and writing blogs for a few years now). Be gentle on yourself where you can, and know you are loved! (hug). p.s. AMAZING polish, and brilliant idea, love it!

    • I can’t even act like this didn’t make me cry. Thank you so, SO much for your words. They honestly mean the world to me. <3

  20. Thank you for sharing. Since my mum dies 2 years ago, suddenly, with no warning and then the following horrible horrible problems I have had with her ex husband and sisters, I have felt myself falling deeper and deeper into sadness. I have a lot of anxiety and probably some depression. Your post may be the thing that finally gets me to go to find the help I need. I want to see the funny, happy, bright things in life again, especially with 3 beautiful children and a hubby who loves me no matter how irrational I can be! Thank you thank you thank you. And good luck to you too, I hope you have more happy than sad days ahead of you!

    • I’m so sorry that you had to experience that. The only thing worse than losing a loved one is losing a loved one so quickly and unexpected. I wish I could hug you. <3

      Thank you for your words, and I really do hope your good days outweigh the bad, too. *hugs*

  21. Great post, you were able to succinctly sum up how alot of us feel. Lots of women in the polish community use nail polish as a form of escapism from personal problems. For me it is anxiety. Not only is the message behind this polish so incredibly heart-warming and supportive but this is a gorgeous polish too!

    • I couldn’t agree more! It seems like every time I make a new friend in the community I find out that they are using polish as an escape, just like me. I feel like everyone here *gets* me.

      Thank you <3

  22. Elizabeth Rayne says:

    Your story touched me because it is just so familiar…reading it made me feel like I was looking in the mirror. Thank you for raising your voice about this because I sadly know all too well what it is like. Just because someone suffers “invisibly” doesn’t mean the suffering doesn’t exist.

    • I really hope that it won’t be too much longer before the stigma goes away. <3 It shouldn't be this hard to open up about something that so many of us are going though.

  23. superjaxster says:

    Thank you for sharing your story! It is great to know that we aren’t alone! We all have “stuff”. My parents did not believe that I was depressed. (They’d say I was fine in public. I was just being “dramatic”) I finally knew after 4 years of feeling “abnormal” I had to do something for myself. Thankfully they were able to see the changes in me after I started taking medicine. It just made a difficult situation harder than it needed to be.

    • I couldn’t have said it better. Opening up is harder than it should be! I’m thankful that you powered through, even when those closest didn’t believe you. *hugs*

  24. I just wanted to say how glad I am that you shared this. I too (as I’m sure many other readers and fellow polish bloggers) suffer from depression and anxiety, and I am so glad to know that I am not alone. I’m glad to know that blogging can be a healthy outlet for all of us, even though sometimes other don’t understand.
    Most of all I wanted to tell you that you are important, your feelings matter, and that even strangers care about you and your well-being. I am a big fan, and this post was so inspiring. Keep doing what you’re doing, you affect others for the better everyday. My hope is that somehow we can do the same for you.

    • You have already done the same for me. <3 Just with those words alone. Thank you so much for that. (I'm crying right now as I type this.) You are also important, and inspiring, and cared about. <3

      *gives deep hug like I've known you my whole life*

  25. You are such an inspiration Mishka, you made me tear up so many times while reading this post. I understand what you feel and you so eloquently put it into words, whatever you need, you know where I am 😉 Sending you an email right after this <3

  26. I’ve spent the last thirty minutes trying to type up a comment that could adequately describe how much your post resonates with my own past, and I just keep tearing up (and while at work! Awkward.). Like you, I suffered from depression and social anxiety for many years. At my worst, I lay in bed for days at a time, crying, and not able to figure out why I felt the way I did, or how I could even begin to fix it. Eventually, my friends staged an intervention and got me to a therapist, and for me, that started my climb out of the hole. Years later, my therapist would tell you that I am “better” now, and no longer need treatment, but every day is still a conscious struggle to control my mood and to not fall back into that cycle of depression and isolation. I still have days where I wake up and just don’t care, and like you said, it’s important to remember the good things that have happened, and to concentration on the good things to come.

    I currently work with mentally ill populations, and it’s heartbreaking to see some of these patients struggle with even admitting to themselves that they need help, struggle, struggle to accept that depression and anxiety are things to be treated, just like any other illness, and struggle to accept that they are not alone. The hardest is the struggle to make them believe that things can and will get better. I’m sorry that you are going through a bad time, but I hope that you know you are an amazing inspiration to me and many others who have shared your experiences, and that you will always have the love and support of this community. Stay geeky and awesome! 🙂

    • I’m so proud of you for climbing out. It’s such a hard step, and one that I’m battling with right now. But each step gets just a little bit easier. <3

      I promise, I'll always be geeky. 🙂
      Thank you so much for your kind words *hugs through screen*

  27. Hi Mishka,

    I don’t comment much, but I do read your blog posts and look for your swatches whenever I am considering a polish purchase. You are a beautiful person, and this was a beautifully written piece. I hope you know how many people you have in your corner!

    Sending you hugs and positive thoughts from NJ. I hope your day is filled with good things! <3

    • Thank you so much, Kris <3

      It really does mean a lot to hear you say that. Each day is getting a little bit easier, and a little bit better. Sending you hugs to NJ from AL <3


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